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Navigating Chronic Health Issues as a Woman Leader
Darlene Hawley
How Women Leaders Can Thrive with Chronic Illness: Energy Management, Boundaries, and Sustainable Success
For years, I operated under the same belief most of us are taught... push through, keep going, don’t let them see you struggle. And I did. I showed up, did the work, hit deadlines, ran my business, supported my clients, and rarely canceled an appointment.
What people didn’t see was the cost: the exhaustion, the brain fog, the moments when my body was screaming for rest but I didn’t listen.
Eventually, my body forced me to.
That moment changed everything — not just for my health, but for how I lead, coach, and help others create sustainable success.
The Moment My Body Said “Enough”
I haven’t always been this open about my health. For years, I pushed through, ignoring the warning signs.
I thought slowing down meant weakness. That I had to prove I could keep up, no matter what.
Until my body forced me to listen.
I had just started a new position in retail management — excited, motivated, ready to prove myself. The long hours, the stress, the non-stop movement?
I told myself I could handle it.
Until one night, I couldn’t.
I was the closing manager, wrapping up a long shift, when my body failed me. A massive flare took over — pain searing through my joints, exhaustion hitting me all over.
The pain in my feet so bad that I physically couldn’t walk out of the store on my own.
So, my team — my employees — rolled me out of the store on a clothing cart.
I was mortified.
That’s how bad it was.
I somehow managed to drive home, using my left foot because my right side was too inflamed to push the pedal. When I finally made it home, I crawled into my house, completely drained — both physically and emotionally.
That moment changed everything.
I realized I had been fighting my body instead of working with it. I had ignored every sign it gave me, convinced that pushing through was the only way. That night, I realized my body would make me if I didn’t learn to listen.
Clients often find out — though sometimes years into working with me, that I live with a chronic health condition, an invisible autoimmune disease called Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) and have for the past 25 years. They’re always surprised and say, “but you look so normal, I would have never known just by looking at you.”
What they don’t see is the behind-the-scenes energy management, the mindset work, and the systems I’ve built to make it all work. And I know I’m not alone. Many of my clients, colleagues, and fellow leaders are balancing high-impact work while managing chronic pain, fatigue, or unpredictable health conditions.
We keep going — not because we have to, but because we’ve found ways to make it work. And that’s the shift, instead of fighting against these challenges, what if we integrated them into the way we lead? What if our experience with chronic illness actually made us better leaders, coaches, and entrepreneurs?
Chronic Health Issues: The Unseen Challenge for Women Leaders
Chronic illness impacts women at higher rates than men. Autoimmune diseases, migraines, endometriosis, fibromyalgia, and hormonal disorders often go undiagnosed for years, and when they are acknowledged, we’re told to “push through.”
For those of us in leadership, this creates an invisible challenge, how do we maintain credibility, authority, and momentum while managing something that demands so much of us?
For me, the answer hasn’t been to hide my experience (though I didn’t always feel comfortable sharing it) — it’s been about learning how to turn it into a strength.
How My Health Journey Shapes My Coaching and Training
I don’t separate my chronic illness from my thought leadership — it’s part of my lived experience, and that profoundly influences how I coach and support others.
Over the years, I’ve gained invaluable lessons — ones I now teach my clients to help them navigate their own challenges.
1. Energy Awareness is the Foundation of Leadership
I used to operate like my energy was unlimited, like I could run on sheer willpower alone. (Spoiler alert, I couldn’t.) Now, I approach my work differently. I don’t force myself into a schedule that doesn’t fit my natural energy rhythms — I build my business around them. I teach my clients to do the same, whether they have a chronic condition or not. Because when you know how to work with your energy instead of against it, everything flows more easily.
2. Boundaries Aren’t Selfish — They’re Survival
I used to say yes to everything. Every opportunity. Every request. Every last-minute favor. Until I couldn’t anymore. Chronic illness made me get brutally honest about what I can and can’t take on, and that’s been one of the biggest gifts. Now, I help my clients set the kinds of boundaries that protect their time, energy, and well-being — without guilt, without apology. Because saying no to what drains you is really saying yes to yourself.
3. Systems Are the Secret to Doing More with Less Effort
Brain fog and decision fatigue are real. Some days, my brain feels like a browser with 47 tabs open and half of them frozen. That’s why I rely on systems — not just for efficiency, but for survival. I help my clients create workflows that simplify their decision-making, eliminate unnecessary stress, and free up mental space for the work that actually moves the needle. Because the less energy you waste on “What should I do next?” the more you have for what truly matters.
4. Rest is a Leadership Strategy, Not a Luxury
I used to see rest as something I had to earn. Now, I see it as something that makes me better at what I do. I don’t wait until I’m running on empty to take a break — I build rest into my routine. Microbreaks, white space on my calendar, and even full days off when my body needs it. I teach my clients to do the same because when you’re well-rested, you’re more creative, more present, and — let’s be real — a lot less resentful of your work.
5. True Resilience is Built on Self-Trust, Not Just Grit
People love to glorify resilience as if it’s just about pushing through. But the strongest leaders I know? They don’t just push through — they pause, they listen, they adjust. They trust themselves enough to know when it’s time to shift gears. That’s what I help my clients develop, not just the ability to keep going, but the wisdom to know when to slow down, ask for help, or pivot. Because resilience isn’t about proving how much you can endure — it’s about building a life and business that supports you, not drains you.
Thriving, Not Just Surviving
Living with a chronic condition while running a business or leading a team isn’t easy — but it has given me insights and strengths I wouldn’t have developed otherwise. It has made me a better leader. A better coach. A better advocate for the women I work with.
I bring this experience into my coaching because I know what it’s like to navigate leadership while also managing health challenges. I know how to create strategies that actually work in real life — not just in theory.
For those of you juggling work, family, leadership, and health — know you’re not alone. And you don’t have to do it the hard way. There’s a way to thrive, build impact, and show up fully without burning out. I know, because I’ve built it for myself — and I help others do the same.
If this resonates, I’d love to hear from you.
How have you balanced leadership while managing a chronic condition? Let’s talk about it — because the more we share, the more we can support each other in building businesses and careers that work for us, not against us.
*This article was originally posted on Medium.
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Hey There!
I'm Darlene
As a mother, wife, connector, and dream builder, I’m Darlene Hawley, the founder of DarleneHawley.com and an Executive Leadership & Businesss Coach dedicated to empowering leaders like you.
My passion lies in helping ambitious professionals cultivate their unique leadership style while crafting an authentic and impactful personal brand. Through my coaching, we’ll work together to build a solid foundation that not only inspires your team but also drives results and growth within your organization.
Since 2007, I have been committed to guiding leaders and entrepreneurs in launching and scaling their businesses with confidence and clarity.
Today, I focus on supporting women in reaching their leadership goals and living their dream lives—all while balancing the joys of raising my family and creating meaningful memories each day.
Together, we’ll transform your challenges into opportunities, allowing you to lead with authenticity and inspire those around you.
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I was facilitating a one-day Speak Up & Influence team-building experiential training when I noticed her sitting quietly in the back of the room. She participated, but never fully spoke her mind, staying just under the radar, what I like to call "playing it safe". After one of the vocal empowerment activities, I walked over and said, “You know, the way you just helped your group reframe that challenge? That’s leadership. And I don’t think anyone’s told you lately... but you have a really powerful presence when you speak.” She blinked, stunned. Then smiled...a BIG cheesy grin. “Wow. I… don’t think anyone’s ever said that to me,” she said. “I thought I was just rambling.” That moment changed her energy and how she showed up the rest of the day. She spoke up more. She leaned in. She took more space. By the end of the day, she was laughing with her colleagues and, dare I say, being Bold and having FUN. That’s the power of being seen. Not liked. Not evaluated. Not coached. Witnessed. Witnessing Is Deeper Than Praise Recognition isn’t just about saying “good job.” It’s about creating space for people to feel seen in the room. And as an executive leadership coach, trainer, and speaker, I believe this is one of the most powerful tools we have. It’s part of why I teach the Step into Your Moxie® Vocal Empowerment Framework to help people speak with confidence and presence, And to help them feel safe enough to show up as unapologetically as themselves. The framework includes: Naming the Inner Critic Creating Psychological Safety Clarifying the Message Owning Presence Moving People to Take Action But none of that sticks if we don’t feel witnessed. The Real Role of Recognition in Leadership Recognition is not limited to annual performance reviews. It’s being in the moment with someone. It’s telling the truth of what you see... and helping them see it too. When we recognize someone for who they are, not just what they do, it creates: Trust Confidence Belonging Momentum It tells them, “You matter. Right now. Just as you are.” And for many people, that’s enough to shift everything. How Vocal Empowerment Starts with Being Seen I’ve worked with countless leaders who don’t need help with strategy... they need to be reminded they have a voice worth sharing. Their ideas aren’t the problem. Their presence is stifled by years of not being heard. And when someone finally says, “I see you. I hear you. I believe you have something valuable to say,”... they rise to the occasion. That’s what witnessing does. That’s what coaching is. And that’s what powerful leadership should include. My Truth About Leadership + Visibility I believe every single person deserves to be put in a position where they are the leader. But leadership is not one-size-fits-all. It’s not about being the loudest or most polished. It’s about being thoughtful about the right kind of visibility... and showing up unapologetically as yourself. We need more leaders who understand this. Who witness others without fixing them. Who show people what’s possible by being real, not rehearsed. How does it feel when someone truly witnesses you... not just your performance, but your presence? And who in your world could use that kind of recognition right now? Say it. Share it. Watch them light up. Try This: A Visibility Icebreaker That Builds Trust Here’s a simple, powerful exercise I love using to open workshops, team meetings, or small groups: Two Truths and a Lie: Leadership Edition Each person shares: Two true things about how they lead, speak, or show up One “lie” they used to believe about themselves Example: ✔ I’m a clear communicator ✔ I make people feel safe when I lead ✖ I’m not good at public speaking (← the old lie) This twist brings visibility and vulnerability together... without putting anyone on the spot. It allows people to own their growth and shift their inner critic by speaking it out loud. Try it. Let me know how it goes with your next team meeting. Coming Next in Part 4: Crafting Connection: Simple Rituals to Help You and Your Team Feel Seen Because being witnessed isn’t a one-time act. It’s a culture. It’s a practice. And it starts with you.
We’ve never been more connected... and never felt so unseen. With a few taps, we can join a Zoom room, drop into a DM, or post something vulnerable for hundreds of people to witness. But there's a disconnect. And in a tech-driven world where everything moves fast and engagement is measured in emoji reactions… are we truly connecting... or just being consumed? “To be recognised, you have to be seen, you have to be heard – and that requires a witnessing that can’t happen in two-second increments.” —— Allison J Pugh in her article The Unseen in Aeon Magazine You can post every day and still feel invisible. You can be in a dozen Slack channels and still feel isolated. You can have 10k followers and feel like no one is really paying attention. Because we’ve built a world where connection is constant... but deep roots are rare. The Pace of Tech vs. the Slowness of Being Seen We scroll fast. We skim emails. We record meetings and never rewatch them. But being seen takes time. It requires presence. Stillness. The very things today’s digital culture works against. And when you’re constantly “on”, but rarely witnessed... it’s easy to feel like you’re disappearing in plain sight. This is especially true for entrepreneurs and leaders. We’re told to post, share, create, show up, stay visible… and yet, we’re rewarded for comments, not true connection. That’s the tension we’re living in... and the one we need to name. Why I Don’t Create for Social (and What I Do Instead) Let’s get honest, social media isn’t the main event... it’s the after-party. The first time someone finds me isn’t on LinkedIn. It’s at a speaking event, on a podcast, or through a referral. Then they follow me on social. Then they join my newsletter. Social media isn’t where I get discovered. It’s where I nurture relationships that already exist. That’s why I don’t create for the algorithm... I write for my community. I share my heart through emails and long-form blog or video content. Then I repurpose it on social... not to “go viral,” but to stay connected. And here’s the magic part: Some of my clients? They’ve been on my list for 6+ years. Never replied to a post. Never commented. And one day... they book a call. Because they’ve been listening the whole time. They were waiting for the right moment.... not the right reel. When Tech Makes You Feel Small But even with that perspective, I still feel it. That sting when you pour your heart into a post and it gets 3 likes. That feeling after a Zoom room full of “great people!”… but the coffee chat that follows doesn't convert to referrals or business. That’s what the fast pace of our digital world does. It makes us visible... but not witnessed. It makes us accessible... but nothing deeper becomes of it. You can have the right lighting, captions, camera angle... and still feel like no one’s really seeing the person behind the post. The Shift: From Performance to Presence The solution isn’t more hustle or noise. It’s more presence. So, if you're feeling invisible right now, even while showing up “everywhere,” hit pause and take a breath. Ask yourself: Am I sharing because I have to, or from a place of inspiration? Am I connecting, or just posting to stay in the feed? Who am I hoping will really see me? Then, choose one way to show up differently this week. Call someone instead of commenting. Write the post that feels inspiring, not strategic. Or close the laptop and go be with real people, even when it feels uncomfortable. Because yes, people are watching... even if they’re silent. But more importantly, you deserve to feel connected, even when tech feels like it's sucking your soul.
