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How to Speak Up When It Feels Hard: A Simple 5-Step Voice Reset
Darlene Hawley
The 5C Voice Reset: How to Stop Overthinking and Say What Needs to Be Said
I pulled up to school pick up, engine on, hands still on the wheel.
I knew the conversation I needed to have the second I parked… and if I’m honest, I was already trying to find a way out of it. (As much as I know I need to have them, I still wish I could run from it)
I was telling myself, maybe it's not that big of a deal, it will blow over. (Being a highly sensitive empath can be a lot sometimes, IYKYK)
I could feel my brain start trying to protect me by talking me out of what actually needs to be said.
I leaned back into the seat and pressed my feet into the floor of the car.
I took a couple of deep breaths.
I could feel my shoulders drop just a little.
allowing myself to get back to myself.
I told myself..
Of course, this feels uncomfortable.
You care about this relationship.
You don’t want to hurt anyone or be misunderstood.
I sat there for a second and asked myself...
What’s part of this story is actually true here, or am I automatically going to the worst-case scenario?
Avoiding it wasn’t helping either of us, and I know how long I can reminate on a story i make up that 9 out of 10 times is not the other persons truth.
This conversation actually needed to happen, so I determined what I wanted to say, said it out loud a few times to embody it.
I picked up my phone.
Stared at their name for a second…and hit call.
This is why I teach this work, because I need it too.
Most people think confidence is what helps you speak up.
It’s not.
It’s this.
The tools I use for myself I love to share with you.
Try this the next time you need to have a conversation.
The 5C Voice Reset
A simple way to move through the exact moment where you want to shut down, overthink, or avoid the conversation altogether.
Catch it
This is the part that happens so fast you almost miss it. One minute you’re clear on what you want to say, and the next your brain is off running… replaying things, predicting how it might go, or convincing you to just not say anything at all. Catching it just means noticing that shift and gently calling it out. Like, “okay… I’m spiraling a little here” or “wow, I’m really trying to talk myself out of this.” Slowing down and sitting in awareness so it doesn’t take over.
Come back
Instead of trying to think your way out of it, come back to your body. This can be so simple. Start by taking a deeper breath, stepping outside on the grass and feeling your feet on the ground, rolling your shoulders, and dropping them a little. One of my new favorites is putting the palms of my hands over my eyes and resting my arms on my desk just to close out the world and connect with myself again. Slowing down allows you to remind your body that you’re okay.
Connect with yourself
This is where most people get hard on themselves. I just want you to talk to yourself. Tell yourself... “Of course this feels uncomfortable.” “Of course I care about how this lands.” “Of course I don’t want to be misunderstood.” Nothing has gone wrong. This is just what it feels like to care about something. There’s something really grounding about giving yourself that kind of understanding in the moment.
Choose what’s true
Once you relax a little, you can actually see things more clearly. Because when you’re in that heightened awareness state, everything feels big and urgent and personal. This is where I slow it down and ask myself, “okay… what’s actually true right now?” Not the story I’m creating. Not the worst-case scenario. Just the truth. Usually it’s something really simple, like, “this conversation matters” or “avoiding this isn’t helping” or “I don’t need to get it perfect, I just need to be clear.”
Communicate
And then… take a minute to think about what you want to say, and say it out loud first or jot down a few words so you feel a little more anchored. But the goal isn’t to get it right, even if you don't get it perfect, it’s to stay connected to yourself while saying it. That’s the big difference, and that's when your voice actually sounds like you.
Most people try to jump straight to this last step.
They rewrite the message. They rehearse it in their head. They wait until they feel more confident.
But if your body feels like it’s in a trauma response state, your voice is going to reflect that, no matter how “good” the words are.
This gives you a way to move through that moment first.
So you’re not sitting there waiting to feel ready…
you know how to come back to yourself and then speak from that place.
That’s exactly what we work on inside my Activate Your Thought Leadership half-day training.
A safe space to practice what to do in these moments.
When your brain starts spinning, your voice gets shaky, or you’re about to hold back on something that actually matters.
Getting comfortable speaking up and hearing yourself speak your truth so you can embody your message confidently. Allowing yourself to fully trust yourself in the room, on the call, and on the stage.
If you’ve been feeling like you have something to say but you’re not fully saying it yet…
This is your next step.
Learn more...
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If you’re ready to stop second-guessing your message and start using storytelling as a powerful tool to connect, inspire, and sell—then I’d love to invite you to my It’s Time to Own Your Story: Mini-Course.
In this self-paced course, you’ll learn how to:
✔️ Identify the key moments in your story that captivate your audience.
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Hey There!
I'm Darlene
As a mother, wife, connector, and dream builder, I’m Darlene Hawley, the founder of DarleneHawley.com and an Executive Leadership & Businesss Coach dedicated to empowering leaders like you.
My passion lies in helping ambitious professionals cultivate their unique leadership style while crafting an authentic and impactful personal brand. Through my coaching, we’ll work together to build a solid foundation that not only inspires your team but also drives results and growth within your organization.
Since 2007, I have been committed to guiding leaders and entrepreneurs in launching and scaling their businesses with confidence and clarity.
Today, I focus on supporting women in reaching their leadership goals and living their dream lives—all while balancing the joys of raising my family and creating meaningful memories each day.
Together, we’ll transform your challenges into opportunities, allowing you to lead with authenticity and inspire those around you.
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Carolyn Bennett-Sullivan, a seasoned keynote speaker, TEDx presenter, and change strategist, shares her incredible journey from a challenging career in pharma sales to becoming a transformational catalyst. She discusses overcoming fear-based thinking, navigating major business disruptions, and building trust in organizations. Whether you're a heart-centered entrepreneur or an executive leader, this conversation is packed with valuable insights on how to lead confidently, handle major transitions, and create a business that thrives. Curious to learn more? Visit darlenehawley.com/workwithme. 00:41 Meet Carolyn Bennett Sullivan 01:48 Carolyn's Journey and Overcoming Fear 04:15 Navigating Workplace Disruptions 07:21 Tools for Leaders and Employees 15:03 The Importance of Communication and Engagement 21:19 The Importance of Team Buy-In 22:49 Building Relationships in Sales 27:21 Future Plans and Goals 29:26 Rapid Fire Questions 35:09 Conclusion and Contact Information Carolyn is an inspiring keynote speaker, transformational catalyst, and change strategist. As a TEDx speaker, author, and consultant, she leverages her corporate sales and small business expertise to help organizations create strategies for navigating business disruptions through mindset mastery. Her deep understanding of psychology, neuroscience, and business uncovers barriers to change and guides individuals to overcome obstacles, build resilience and unlock their highest capabilities. You can engage with Carolyn at: https://linkedin.com/in/carolynbennettsullivan https:instagram.com/cbsullivan https://facebook.com/carolynbennettsullivan ------ Hi I’m Darlene Hawley and I help ambitious entrepreneurs and executive women find their voice, craft powerful messaging, and regulate their nervous system so they can speak up with confidence in high-stakes conversations, client meetings, and on stages ... without second-guessing themselves. Grab my 10 Do's and Don't for Effective Daring Conversations: https://mailchi.mp/297e8105e904/communicationguide Grab my 6 Steps To Attract & Stand Out digital guide, a free roadmap to create a successful business with less hustle and more ease: https://bit.ly/attractandstandoutonline Grab a Chai and let's Connect: https://darlenehawley.com https://linkedin.com/in/darlenehawley
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When you're talking but no one's listening. Have you ever introduced yourself at a networking event… only to feel like people’s eyes glazed over? One of my clients put it perfectly: “Darlene, I share who I am and what I do, but it feels like I’m invisible. People nod politely and then move on.” She had so much value to offer. In fact, she is amazing at what she did. Yet, her introduction was all over the place. Some days she was talking to potential clients, other days to possible collaborators, and sometimes even she wasn’t sure what her main point was. And that’s why it felt like no one was listening. Why This Happens It’s not because you’re not experienced enough. It’s not because you’re not interesting enough. It’s because without clarity about who your audience is in the room and what you really want to say, your voice gets lost in the shuffle of business cards and conversations. Networking rooms are full of people competing for attention. If your message doesn’t connect directly... if it doesn’t make them pause, lean in and say, “Tell me more” ... it disappears before they even leave the event. The Shift When this client and I worked together, the first thing we did was get crystal clear about: Who she most wanted to reach in the room. What those people actually cared about. How her work specifically helped them. Once she had that clarity, her introductions started sounding different... more direct, more alive, more her. And the result? People leaned in. Instead of walking away, they asked questions. They followed up after the event. They booked time with her. Because when you find your voice and know exactly who you’re talking to, you stop being forgettable. You become someone people can’t ignore. This is exactly what we’ll be diving into in Session 1 of my Attract & Stand Out Framework: Getting clear on who your audience is. Knowing what you want to say. Communicating how you help in a way that truly connects... whether you’re introducing yourself in a room or on stage. It’s not just about having the words, it’s about the confidence to say them out loud too... with presence, authority, and ease. If you’ve been walking out of networking events feeling overlooked, let this be a gentle nudge: ~ You don’t need to try harder. ~ You don’t need to stuff more into your intro. ~ You need clarity... on your audience, your message, and your voice. That’s where visibility begins. That’s how you go from overlooked to unforgettable. Think about the last time you introduced yourself at a networking event. Could the right person in the room... your dream client or collaborator... hear you and say: “That’s me. She gets it”? ________________________________________________________ 🌀 Nervous System Regulator: The 4-7-8 Reset Feeling that anxious butterfly sensation before you introduce yourself? Try this right before you speak: Inhale quietly through your nose for a count of 4. Hold your breath for a count of 7. Exhale slowly and fully through your mouth for a count of 8. Repeat this 3–4 times. It only takes a minute, but it tells your nervous system: You’re safe. You’ve got this. When your body is calm, your voice comes through with more presence and power... and people remember you. ✨ Ready to stop feeling overlooked at networking events? Download my free guide, 6 Steps to Attract & Stand Out, and discover how to clarify your message, show up with confidence, and connect with the people who matter most. Grab it here »
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